Dream diary

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DREAM DIARY FOR MIXED ENSEMBLE by BENJAMIN HOLLOWAY AMIR ZAHERI, COMMITTEE CHAIR MATTHEW BOYLE REBECCA SALZER TYLER BRADLEY WALKER A RECORDING Submitted in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of Doctor of Musical Arts in the Department of Music in the Graduate School of The University of Alabama TUSCALOOSA, ALABAMA Copyright Benjamin Holloway 2020 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED ABSTRACT Dream Diary is a musical depiction of depression and panic disorder. The work is in three movements without break, and is composed for voice, piano, synthesizers, guitar, bass, and drums. The total length is fourteen minutes. Dream Diary is intended to depict a specific event in three different phases of my experience with depression, anxiety, and panic. Each movement will represent and describe one of these phases both lyrically and in musical elements. Spiral, the first movement, tells the story of a dream I had during my worst phase of depression. The lyrics will tell the dream as it happened, and the music will reflect the mood through sparse texture, soft dynamics, and use of silence. The second movement, Intrusive Thoughts is a re-creation of a panic attack. The lyrics used are quotations of words and phrases from my life that played a substantial role in the panic attacks I have experienced. The music will primarily consist of digital manipulations of these phrases, fragments from the first movement, and drones in extreme high and low registers, which will re-create the physical symptoms of a panic attack (tinnitus, chest tightness, etc.). Survivors, the final movement, will describe a dream I experienced during recovery. The lyrics are more of a reflection on the dream’s implications than a strict retelling of it. The music will reflect anxiety and anger at my condition through heavier textures, complex and changing meters, extreme dynamics, and distorted or “heated” vocal techniques. Musically, the work will transform the Spiral theme at the end of each movement for continuity and as a balance to the harsher sounds and styles used. The original theme is presented in a slow duple meter, but its reprise in Intrusive Thoughts will increase tempo, shift to compound meter, and feature additional instrumental parts to create momentum toward the final movement. The final reprise in Survivors begins like the initial reprise at the end of Intrusive Thoughts, but ends with a repeat of the final lyrics of Spiral. The project is presented as a recording without score. It is created and recorded in the University of Alabama Electronic Composition Studio using ProTools, FL Studio, and Max. Digital synths and effects are handled primarily in FL Studio, while most instruments and analog synths are recorded in ProTools. The drums are a blend of electronic and acoustic, using FL Studio and the ARP 2600.

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Musical composition