Contemporary practices of grieving those lost to war violence rely heavily on epistemological assumptions about the self and others that often essentialize the identities of both the dead and those mourning. I address the desirability of these identity categories through a critical examination of contemporary practices, interrogating those practices that assert correct and incorrect practices of grieving. Where successful practices will emphasize the heroism and the sacrifice of the war dead, centralizing the role of American values in the act of dying for one’s country, to not honor the war dead successfully is seen as a betrayal of their sacrifice and an ethical failure. Demonstrating that the social norms acting as guideposts for processes of mourning over-determine relationships and identities in ways that perpetuate a violence that is seen as redemptive, I argue that we must risk ourselves in ways that surpass the utility of the identity politics surrounding the war dead. Working towards alternatives to practices that define expectations regarding intelligible forms of grieving those lost to war violence, I argue that a queer relationality can disrupt the idealized constructions of redemptive violence constitutive to notions of successful mourning. A queering of the war dead refuses to allow mourning to be dismissed as unsuccessful if grieving is anything other than the assignment of war hero, patriot, or the solidification of an American identity for those killed by war violence. Ultimately, I argue that acts of queering the war dead have potential to challenge the proliferation of practices that tie a militarized redemptive violence to normalized identities. In doing so, we can begin to explore potential for ridding ourselves of claims that stratify and separate communities through an identity politics that justify the use of violence and domination in the preservation of those identities.